


I think I might give up everything (just ask me to)

by StilesSmiles



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Role Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 05:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5573053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StilesSmiles/pseuds/StilesSmiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Barry Allen and I'm the deadliest man alive. When I was a child, I saw my mother killed by an assassin. My father went to prison for her murder. Then circumstances made me become an assassin. To the outside world, I'm an ordinary forensic scientist but secretly I use my skills to find others like me and one day I'll find who killed my mother and get justice for my father. I am the Flash.</p>
<p>*<br/>Barry Allen is a CSI who moonlights as an assassin. Leonard Snart is the best Agent Interpol has to offer. When Leonard wants to recruit Barry for his anti-assassin task force he doesn't know how to say no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I think I might give up everything (just ask me to)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the ColdFlash Secret Santa. The story was originally supposed to be longer, I had several more plot points planned but I didn't manage to fit it all in in time so I'm sorry if it seems a bit rushed. Maybe I'll rewrite the story the way I originally intendend it to go at some point.
> 
> The original prompt was: Non-powered AU, Barry Allen is the assassin you hire when you need to kill an assassin. He’s also the worlds leading authority on Criminal Forensic Sciences. So when Leonard Snart, Interpol, asks him to help start a task force designed to hunt down assassins, he doesn’t know how to say no.  
> Thanks to [MoonlightColdFlash](http://moonlightcoldflash.tumblr.com) on tumblr, I had a lot of fun writing this.
> 
> Title is from the One Direction song 'If I Could Fly' (which you should all listen to because it's beautiful and also because it kinda fits ColdFlash).

_My name is Barry Allen and I'm the deadliest man alive. When I was a child, I saw my mother killed by an assassin. My father went to prison for her murder. Then circumstances made me become an assassin. To the outside world, I'm an ordinary forensic scientist but secretly I use my skills to find others like me and one day I'll find who killed my mother and get justice for my father. I am the Flash._

***

The Flash was a ghost. No one had ever actually seen him. Well, no one who was still alive. He was an assassin and a good one at that, probably the best there ever was. He was good and he was fast, he never wasted any time on a job, he got in, killed and got out. In fact, he was so fast, that nobody was even sure that he actually was a man. Or how old he was or anything about what he looked like. The only thing that was known about the Flash was that he was fast – hence the name – and that he only ever killed other assassins. Some people thought it was because he had some kind of personal vendetta against all assassins, others thought it was because he didn't like competition. But whatever his reasons were, he needed to be stopped. Or at least that's what Interpol wanted. Special Agent Leonard Snart wasn't so sure about that. The people that the Flash had killed hadn't exactly been upstanding citizens and they had all had the death penalty coming for them anyway. Of course he understood that a single individual couldn't be allowed to take the law into their own hands, especially if he didn't even know the reason behind the killings. But sometimes Leonard had to think about how easily he could've been like the Flash, how easily he could've chosen the wrong side of the law. And he's fairly certain that he would've, if it hadn't been for Lisa. All things considered he wasn't as fast to condemn the Flash and his actions as everybody else was.

***

“Hey kid, I'm looking for Barry Allen, I was told he'd be here.”  
  
Barry let out a long suffering sigh and turned around. He knew he looked younger than he was but it was still annoying when people dismissed him because of it. “Well, he is. You're looking at him,” he said, somewhat surly, although it probably sounded a lot less pissed off than what he was going for, he wasn't very good at that (also the man standing in the doorway of his lab was unfairly attractive and Barry might have already almost forgiven him for the kid comment).  
  
“Are you sure you're even legal?” the guy smirked, and yeah okay, he was handsome but this was too much.  
  
“Did you want something or did you just come here to insult me?” Barry growled. The man didn't seem to be intimidated at all, if anything his smirk deepened.  
  
“Joe West sent me, apparently you're the best when it comes to Criminal Forensic Sciences.”  
  
“So you need my help? Also, you didn't even introduce yourself.” This guy was seriously rude. First, he came into Barry's lab and joked about his age, then he thought he could ask for help without actually asking and he didn't even think he needed to give Barry a name. If this didn't turn out to be important, there was no way Barry was gonna help him. The smug bastard could find some other CSI to do his dirty work for him.  
  
“Special Agent Leonard Snart, Interpol.” And oh, that explained things a little bit. Joe and Eddie had told Barry about Leonard Snart, one of the best at the agency but not exactly a nice guy. He seemed to handle all of his cases with an impressive level of emotional detachment. It had earned him the nickname Captain Cold and if rumours were to be believed, he more or less secretly loved the name. “I'm putting together an anti-assassin task force and I could use somebody with your expertise.”  
  
Barry froze, stared at Snart and then swallowed audibly. “Why me?” he asked, hoping against hope that Snart couldn't hear the quiver in his voice. If he did, he ignored it.  
  
“Like I said, you're the best and you come highly recommended by West.” Barry groaned. If Joe had suggested him for this job, he couldn't say no. Saying that he didn't want to work with Snart because he was an arrogant asshole wouldn't count as a valid reason in Joe's book. And Joe knew him well, normally Barry would jump at the chance to take down as many bad guys as possible, even if it meant working with somebody like Snart. So really, he didn't exactly have a good reason to decline the offer, at least not one he could think of on the spot. He didn't have a choice.  
  
“Fine, but only if you don't call me kid again,” Barry conceded.  
  
“Can't make any promises,” Snart said and walked out again before Barry had the chance to protest. He rubbed his hand over his face, this was going to be a disaster.

***

“It's gonna be a disaster! He's gonna figure it out, he's smart and so good at what he does and he's not gonna care why I did it, he's Captain Cold for God's sake, he doesn't do emotions! He's gonna find out and he's gonna tell Joe and I'm gonna go to jail and it'll just be a complete disaster, I know it!” Barry was freaking out and he was working up to a panic attack, he knew it but he couldn't stop. This was so bad.  
  
“Relax, Barry, breathe, it's gonna be fine,” Caitlin tried to calm him down. She took his hand and led him over to one of the desk chairs, pushing him down gently.  
  
“She's right. I mean there's a reason you haven't been caught yet,” Cisco reassured him. And logically Barry knew he was right but that wasn't exactly helping right now.  
  
“Yeah, because I haven't been targeted by Special Agent Leonard Snart personally yet,” he said. Cisco and Caitlin had to realise how bad this was. Sure, they had never actually killed anybody but they'd been helping him for several years now. If he got caught, they were also going to be in a lot of trouble.  
  
“Okay, first of all, he's not targeting you specifically, you said it was a task force to take down assassins in general,” Barry glared at Cisco (that was basically the same thing, any task force going after assassins would eventually come after the Flash) but he didn't let that deter him, “and second of all, the reason you haven't been caught yet is because you are also very good at what you do. And because you have us, of course,” he added with a grin.  
  
“And this could actually be a good thing.” Barry spun around in his chair to stare at Caitlin. How on earth could this be a good thing!? He, the Flash, the world's deadliest assassin, had basically been forced to work on a task force designed to find and stop people like him. There was just no way that could end well. “I just mean, it's been years and we still don't have any kind of viable lead on the man who killed your mother and Ronnie. The only thing we know is that he's an assassin and you found that out before you even met Cisco and me. Maybe with the help of Interpol we could finally track him down.”  
  
“She's right, dude,” Cisco said carefully. And Barry had to admit that they had a point. After years of hunting down the man who had killed his mother, he had only ever come close once and that time he had opted to save Cisco and Caitlin instead. The other assassin had kidnapped the two of them and Caitlin's fiancé Ronnie and by the time Barry had got there Ronnie had been dead and he'd had to make the choice between going after his mother's killer and saving Cisco and Caitlin. And despite what people thought about the Flash, he did have a code. He only killed assassins and he didn't let innocents die. And that day hadn't been all bad. Sure, the man had gotten away but in Cisco and Caitlin he hadn't only gained two of his best friends but also two incredibly valuable helpers. And he had seen the assassin's face. But despite that and the help of his two friends he still had never gotten close again. So yeah, maybe working with Interpol could be useful. And if Snart also figured out that he was the Flash, he was alright with that just as long as they freed his father first.  
  
“Okay then, let's do this.”

***

At exactly 8 AM Len walked into the briefing room to greet his team. His sister Lisa was lounging in a chair at the very back, not even bothering to look up when he walked into the room. His partner, Mick Rory, was sitting a few feet away from her, playing with a lighter. If he wasn't so good at his job, Len was sure their superiors would be a lot more concerned about his love for fire. The last agent on his team was Eddie Thawne, Len had only ever worked with him once before but West had told him to recruit him. The only one missing was Barry Allen.  
  
“Good morning. Does anybody know why Allen's not here?” he snapped. If there was one thing Len hated, it was unpunctuality.  
  
“He'll be here, he's not the greatest when it comes to time management,” Thawne answered.  
  
“That will have to change,” Len said just as Allen finally ran into the room, 5 minutes late.  
  
“Sorry, sorry, I uh … I had … car trouble,” Allen said out of breath. For some reason Thawne seemed to think that excuse was hilarious. And it definitely was an excuse, Len was good at figuring out when somebody was lying (it was kind of in the job description) and this kid was an exceptionally bad liar.  
  
“Don't let it happen again or there'll be consequences,” Len said curtly before turning around to the projector. “You all know why you're here so let's get started. We are going to catch as many assassins as possible but we have two main priorities. Number one is of course the Flash, as of now we still know absolutely nothing about him so Agent Thawne and I will go over every single piece of evidence we have on him again. We'll focus especially on the earlier cases, he wasn't as good then maybe he slipped up and we just missed it the first time. Number two is Eobard Thawne,” for some reason Allen got extremely pale and gasped when Len pulled Thawne's picture up, “we only just recently figured out who he is, thanks to Agent Thawne. They're distantly related but that's about all we have on him. So I need Agents Snart and Rory to go through all the cold cases and figure out which murders were committed by him. Allen, you will process all the evidence from the Flash cases again and then whatever Snart and Rory give you regarding Thawne. Everybody clear on their jobs? … Alright, let's get to work then.”  
  
Allen still looked a bit pale and wary when he stumbled out of the room, Len had to start paying closer attention to him, something was going on. (And taking a good look at Allen definitely wasn't going to be a hardship).

***

“You were right,” Barry said as he walked into the cortex, lightly hitting the top of the doorway to announce his presence like he always did. He had gotten too good at being quiet and Caitlin and Cisco used to get startled a lot when he just walked into a room without making a sound.  
  
“I usually am but what exactly are you talking about?” Cisco answered, smirking at him before taking another bite from his redvine.  
  
Barry scoffed a little, “I meant Caitlin, not you.”  
  
“Well, I'm usually on Caitlin's side so I'm basically right by default,” Cisco grinned.  
  
“What was I right about, Bar?” Caitlin asked, huffing out a laugh at Cisco's antics.  
  
“You said that working on the anti-assassin task force could help us find my mother's and Ronnie's killer and you were right. His name is Eobard Thawne.” Barry dropped unceremoniously into one of the chairs. He was exhausted, he had spend the entire day reprocessing old evidence, mostly from his own cases, trying to find evidence that would convict himself. And on top of that Snart had dropped by every hour or so to see how it was going or to bring him some new evidence and it was exasperating. Barry had felt like a little kid who needed to be checked in on to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. It almost felt like Snart was onto him already but that couldn't be. Although, he had to admit that he might have reacted a bit suspiciously earlier when Snart had shown them Thawne's picture. It had just been such a shock to see the man again after all these years. But there was no way that Snart could take his somewhat exaggerated reaction to Thawne and connect it to Barry being the Flash.  
  
“Eobard, what kind of name is that!?” Cisco said, pulling a grimace like it physically hurt him to say the name. “Also, hold on a sec, Thawne? As in Eddie Thawne?” Cisco and Caitlin had never actually met Eddie but they'd been a part of Barry's life for long enough now to know the name of his best friend's/ex-crush's fiancé who he sometimes worked with.  
  
“Yep, apparently they're distant relatives, Eddie actually helped figuring out who he is,” Barry informed them. It was still a little hard to believe that sweet Eddie was somehow related to a serial killer.  
  
“Wow, who'd have thought. I can't believe we finally have a name after all this time,” Caitlin said, a little bit in awe. If there was one person who wanted to catch Thawne as badly as Barry did, it was Caitlin.  
  
“I know, me neither, it seems kinda surreal,” Barry admitted.  
  
“Surreal but nice,” Cisco said. Caitlin and Barry both stared at him, sure it was nice to have a name but the comment still seemed a little unwarranted. “Oh come on! You can't tell me you haven't seen Notting Hill!?”  
  
“I did see that one, actually, but I don't remember that line,” Caitlin conceded.  
  
“Peasants,” Cisco huffed but he couldn't hold back his laughter. Barry and Caitlin chimed in and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of all their chests.

***

The next few weeks were pretty uneventful, Barry spent all of his time processing evidence from various cases and the only task force member he really interacted with was Snart. He was even the one to bring up evidence from the cases his sister and Rory had linked to Thawne. Barry just couldn't figure Snart out but he realised that the more time he spent with him the more he wanted to. He wanted to know what made the man tick, how he could be Captain Cold but at the same time he used every chance he got to make a pun. Granted most of them were ice puns but still, the man who Barry somehow found himself spending most of his days with didn't seem like somebody who didn't have any emotions. He didn't seem cold. And so against his better judgement, Barry found himself liking Snart.

***

Len knew he was getting in too deep. He kept telling himself that the reason he went to Barry's lab so often was because he was still trying to find out what was going on with the kid. Because the more time he spent with him – and recently that was a lot – the more he got the feeling that he had been right that first day. There was something Barry wasn't telling him, something big and he'd be damned if he couldn't figure out what that was.  
  
But if he had to be completely honest he knew that that wasn't the only reason he spent so much time in Barry's lab. He liked being around him, Barry was actually quite funny and obviously he was smart as well, he could keep up with Len, something that couldn't be said for a lot of people. And he seemed to appreciate Len's puns, which according to Lisa nobody did. So when he decided to invite Barry out for lunch he told himself it was just workplace proximity acquaintances getting to know each other better so they could work more efficiently and not a date. Definitely not a date.

***

Barry was just about to take his lunch break when Snart entered his lab for the second time that day. They had been working on the task force together for almost a month now and they were getting along surprisingly well. Barry wondered if they were approaching first name territory. Not that he could tell with Snart, the man refused to call him by his actual name, it was always either Scarlet or Red (because of his propensity for blushing) and infuriatingly enough even “kid” sometimes.  
  
“Agent Snart. Is this urgent? I was just about to get some lunch,” Barry tried to grumble. He was really hungry and as much as he would enjoy talking to Snart he would probably enjoy his lunch more right now.  
  
“I was actually going to suggest we get lunch together,” Snart said, smirking a little as usual. Barry on the other hand tried to hide his gasp. A combination of Snart and lunch would definitely be the most enjoyable thing. “And I think it's time you called me, Len, kid,” Snart … Len added.  
  
“I think it's time you stopped calling me kid,” Barry returned.  
  
“Like I said before, can't make any promises. Now come on, my treat,” Len said, grabbing Barry's coat and walking out of the room.  
  
Barry took about three seconds to regain his composure. Len was infuriating but he felt drawn to him none-the-less, which was why he kept telling himself that just because Len was paying for lunch it didn't mean it was a date.

***

They ended up going to a small Italian place that Barry absolutely swore by. Len wasn't usually a fan of anything Italian, he'd had a few run ins with the Italian mob and ever since then he'd lost all interest in anything connected to the country but he figured he could make an exception for Barry.  
  
“Barry! How are you? You haven't come by in a while, we've missed you!” the waitress exclaimed as they entered the restaurant and proceeded to hug Barry tightly. She was a petite Italian woman around Barry's age with beautiful long black hair that she had piled in a bun on top of her head. She was incredibly attractive and Len refused to be jealous of the way Barry beamed back at her. He needed to keep his cool.  
  
“I'm sorry, I've had a lot to do at work the past couple weeks,” Barry apologised.  
  
“It's okay, you're back now, that's all that matters,” she grinned. “Who's your friend?”  
  
Barry turned around as if he had only just remembered that he wasn't alone. “Oh, this is Special Agent Leonard Snart, we work together.”  
  
“You work together, huh?” the waitress smirked and winked at Barry. And what was that supposed to mean?  
  
Barry blushed and gently shoved her in the ribs with a scandalised gasp of, “Giulia!”  
  
“Well, come on then, your usual table is still free,” Giulia said and led them further inside the restaurant. Once they were seated she took their drink orders and left them alone.  
  
“I take it you come here often?”Len asked as he opened up his menu and tried to find the least Italian dish.  
  
“Yeah, I do. I used to come here all the time when I was a grad student, the food is good and cheap and I never really had the time to cook myself,” Barry admitted.  
  
“At least you didn't live off of frozen foods,” Len said.  
  
“Well, admittedly, I did that whenever I was so busy that I didn't even have time to leave my dorm room,” Barry laughed.  
  
“Please tell me you know how to cook by now? You're 26 years old, you should be able to properly provide for yourself,” Len said sternly. Frozen food was his pet peeve, he couldn't understand how people could voluntarily eat that crap.  
  
“You sound like Joe,” Barry groaned,” but yeah, I do know how to cook, I always did, I just didn't have the time in college.”  
  
Before Len could answer their drinks arrived and Giulia took their orders. Barry chose spaghetti alla carbonara and Len had decided that his best bet was a simple burger and french fries. He liked the French a lot more than he liked the Italians.  
  
Barry grinned at him when Giulia left them again and so Len had to ask, “What?”  
  
“Nothing,” Barry chuckled, “it's just, we're at an Italian restaurant and you order a burger and fries. That's very American.”  
  
“What can I say, I'm quite patriotic,” Len grinned back.  
  
“Oh yeah? Do you sing the national anthem every morning? Do you have our flag hanging above your bed? Do you sleep in flag pyjamas?” Barry teased him. But two could play at that game.  
  
“You seem to have given my sleeping arrangements a lot of thought,” Len replied, leaning back in his chair so he could fully appreciate the blush spreading out on Barry's face. He sure loved making the kid blush, it was a good colour on him.  
  
“Um, well, I … that's not what I … I mean,” Barry spluttered and Len decided to put him out of his misery.  
  
“Relax, Scarlet, I'm just kidding,” he said. To his great pleasure it still took a few more moments for Barry's blush to recede. Luckily for him, Giulia chose that moment to bring over their food.  
  
They sat in somewhat awkward silence for a few minutes until Barry apparently couldn't take it anymore and started going off on some wild tangent Len could barely follow. But after that they spent the rest of lunch talking about everything and nothing. Len was thoroughly enjoying himself and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much fun with someone other than Lisa or Mick.

***

“Hypothetically speaking, how bad would it be if I maybe had a tiny crush on Leonard Snart?” Barry groaned the minute he got to S.T.A.R. Labs that night.  
  
“Leonard Snart as in your boss? Leonard Snart as in the leader of the anti-assassin task force?” Cisco asked incredulously.  
  
“Yeah?” Barry admitted sheepishly. “Hypothetically,” he tacked on.  
  
“Oh Barry, you never choose the easy way, do you?” Caitlin said empathetically.  
  
“Ugh, don't remind me. But it doesn't matter anyway. a) he'd never be interested in me and b) it's not like I can really date anyone as long as I'm the Flash,” Barry sighed. Sometimes he wished he would have chosen a different path to revenge, lately more than ever.  
  
“Speaking of which,” Cisco said, “a new offer came in today.”  
  
Barry sighed again, he wasn't sure if he could deal with that right now. “Show me.”  
  
Cisco pulled the file up and Barry quickly read through it. “It's not Thawne,” was all he said.  
  
“We know that but that's never stopped you before,” Cisco said carefully.  
  
“I know but I just don't think I can do this anymore. Tell me when I get an offer for Thawne and decline everything else. Actually, send all the other offers to Interpol, Len can use the information to stop them,” Barry instructed.  
  
“Are you sure?” Caitlin asked.  
  
“Yes,” Barry said decisively. “I got in way too deep. This was only ever supposed to be a way of finding my mother's killer and it's spiralled out of control, I need to stop. Also, we're done going through all the old Flash cases and didn't find any clues so if I don't kill again there aren't going to be more cases and more evidence. And not even Len can find me without evidence. Stopping this is for the best.”  
  
“Alright, it's your call, Barry, we support you no matter what,” Caitlin said.  
  
“Yeah dude,” Cisco agreed.  
  
“Then it's decided, the Flash is dead.”

***

Two weeks later Barry was late again. He hadn't been sleeping all too well lately. Even though he had given up on being the Flash he still felt incredibly guilty, especially around Len, a guilt he'd never had to deal with before. Somehow he had actually managed to completely fall in love with Len and that made him want to be a better person, it made him want to be honest with Len but he knew he could never do that. Not just for his sake but also for Cisco and Caitlin's.  
  
When he walked into his office Len was already waiting for him. He mentally prepared himself for the reprimand that was bound to come (he knew how much Len hated it when people were late) but it never came. He raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “What's up?”  
  
Len sighed and that was a bad sign. Len never sighed, Len never needed to sigh, Len always had every situation completely under control. “I think the Flash might be building up to something big.”  
  
Barry swallowed and looked at the ground. Sometimes he wondered how Len hadn't figured out that he was (or had been) the Flash yet, Barry was such a bad liar. “What do you mean?”  
  
“He hasn't assassinated anybody in over two months, it's been a long time since he last went that long without a job. He only ever did that in the beginning.”  
  
“Or maybe he decided to retire,” Barry suggested carefully.  
  
Len just snorted at that. “Sure, the deadliest assassin on the planet just decided to retire, I highly doubt we're that lucky.”  
  
Barry didn't know what to say to that but one thing did suddenly become very clear to him. He couldn't stay in Central City anymore. All he did was make Len's job more complicated. And he just couldn't live this lie anymore. He couldn't keep on going to work every day, seeing Len everyday and pretend he wanted to catch the Flash as badly as he did, pretend he didn't know exactly who the Flash was. He loved Len and that was exactly why he had to leave.

***

When Len came into work the next morning he went straight up to Barry's lab. A routine he had developed over the last few weeks.  
  
Barry wasn't there yet but that wasn't exactly unusual, he had tried everything he could think of to get the kid to be more punctual but it was all useless.  
  
He sat down in Barry's desk chair and waited. And waited. And waited. After half an hour he realised that something was wrong. Sure, Barry was late a lot but usually not this much. And he couldn't be sick either, the one time that had happened he had called Len to let him know. No, something was up.  
  
He tried calling Barry but it went straight to voicemail. Realising there was nothing much he could do here, he went downstairs again to find Agent Thawne.  
  
“Thawne!” he called out as he spotted his colleague. “Do you have any idea where Barry is? He hasn't shown up yet.”  
  
“Huh. That's not like him. But no, I don't know where he is,” Thawne answered confusedly. “I take it you tried calling him already?”  
  
“I did but he's not answering,” Len said.  
  
“Maybe you should ask Joe,” Thawne suggested.  
  
Len just grumbled, he didn't particularly fancy talking to Agent West. The man tolerated him because he was good at his job but Len was fairly certain he didn't actually like him.  
  
“I'm sure he'll be here,” Eddie said when Len made no move to answer.  
  
Len hoped he would be. For entirely professional reasons of course.

***

Barry didn't come in to work the next day. Or the day after that and Len was seriously starting to get worried. So worried that he actually called West. And hadn't that been a lovely conversation. West didn't have any idea where Barry was either and so he had clearly been in a bad mood which he took out on Len. Which only served to make him more worried, if Barry hadn't even told West where he was going or that he was leaving at all, something most certainly wasn't right.

***

To Barry: _Where are you Barry? People are starting to get worried._

To Barry: _I'm starting to get worried..._

To Barry: _Damn it, Barry, this isn't funny anymore!_

To Barry: _Stop freezing me out!_

To Barry: _Nobody's laughing at my puns when you're not here._

To Barry: _Barry?_

To Barry: _I'm an Interpol Agent, Barry, if you don't answer me, I'm going to send the entire Agency after you._

To Barry: _Turns out they won't let me do that but I don't need them anyway. I'm gonna find you on my own._

To Barry: _I miss you._

***

Len had waited three more days for Barry to come back or at least answer one of his increasingly pathetic (according to Lisa) texts. But now he couldn't wait any longer, he had to take matters into his own hands. Lisa had just gotten him Barry's credit card statements from the last few weeks and he was hoping against hope that he would find something in them. But just as he'd had expected the card hadn't been used since Barry's disappearance. He was just about to throw the file in the trash when Lisa entered his office again.  
  
“Hold on a sec, dear brother. I think I saw something in there earlier, let me just check that,” she said and took the file out of Len's hand before he could answer. She pushed his chair to the side for better access to his computer. It was a sign of how exhausted he truly was that he just let her do it.  
  
“Hah, just as I suspected!” Lisa exclaimed a minute later. “I don't know if it means anything but your little boy toy seems to spent a lot of his time in the vicinity of the abandoned S.T.A.R. Labs.”  
  
S.T.A.R. Labs used to be one of the most renowned labs in the country but then their particle accelerator had exploded, killing several people, and it had been forced to shut down.  
  
“It's probably nothing but I'll go check it out anyway,” Len said, standing up.  
  
“Not so fast, I figured this out, I'm coming with you,” Lisa interjected. Len groaned but let her come along. He knew from experience that protest would be futile anyway.

***

Half an hour later Lisa and Len arrived at S.T.A.R. Labs and were surprised to find the lights were all turned on when they got inside. Whatever was going on here, the building most definitely wasn't abandoned. They raised their guns and made their way around carefully. After searching almost every room they finally found what they were looking for. Kind of.  
  
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” the guy said accusingly.  
  
“Special Agent Leonard Snart, Interpol, and this is my partner Special Agent Lisa Snart,” Len introduced them. Both the man and the woman paled at his words. Good, they had better respect him. Especially if they had anything to do with Barry's disappearance.  
  
“And who are you?” Lisa inquired. Len did not like the way she was eyeing the other man. He was a potential suspect!  
  
“Dr Caitlin Snow,” said the woman.  
  
“Dr Cisco Ramon,” said the man.  
  
“Ooh, smart is sexy,” Lisa cooed and Len glared at her. What was she playing at?!  
  
“We're here about the disappearance of Barry Allen. We know he spent a lot of time here.” That was a lie but Len was fairly certain he was right about this. The look on Ramon and Snow's faces only reassured him further.  
  
They looked at each other and then seemed to come to a silent agreement. It was Snow who spoke up, “Barry is our friend, we work together sometimes that's why he's here a lot but we don't know where he is.”  
  
There was something they weren't telling him. “But you do know why he left, don't you?”  
  
“We may have a hunch,” Ramon admitted. When Len raised his eyebrows at him questioningly he added, “We can't tell you, it's not our secret. Well, it's kinda a little bit also our secret but it's Barry's choice whether he wants you to know or not.”  
  
“In order for him to make that choice, though, we have to find him first, don't we? Do you have anyway of doing that?”  
  
Snow and Ramon shared another one of their looks before Ramon sighed and said, “I can go through traffic cameras and the likes and try to track him via facial recognition.”  
  
“You really are quite smart, Cisco, I like that,” Lisa smirked.  
  
“God damn it, Lisa! We're trying to find the love of my life here! Flirt on your on time!” When Lisa, Ramon and Snow all stared at him incredulously he realised what he'd just said. He'd been trying so hard to stay professional, to not let his feelings get the better of him. Looked like it was too late for that now.  
  
Lisa looked at him pityingly so he just ploughed on, he couldn't talk about this right now. “Do it,” he instructed Ramon. “We'll wait here.” He dropped unceremoniously into one of the chairs and shot Lisa a glare that clearly said 'don't talk to me'. For once in her life she listened.

***

“I got him,” Ramon exclaimed two hours later. “He's in Coast City in a motel, I'll write down the address.”  
  
Len jumped up and practically ripped the paper away from Ramon. He was already halfway out the door when he noticed that Lisa wasn't following him. “LISA!” he shouted exasperatedly. Time was of the essence, who knew how long Barry was going to stay at that motel.  
  
“One second,” Lisa shouted back before turning to Ramon and handing him a slip of paper. “Call me sometime,” she said and winked.  
Ramon stared at her with his mouth open before he at least somewhat regained his composure. “Totally!”  
  
Lisa laughed and then finally followed after Len.

***

They spent the drive to Coast City in silence. Len wasn't in the mood to talk and for once Lisa seemed to understand and respect that.  
  
When they got to the motel, they got Barry's room number from the clerk and the information that he currently was in his room.  
  
Len felt like his heart was beating out of his chest while they waited for Barry to open the door. When he finally did he just looked at them dejectedly. “I guess I should've known you would find me.” He stepped aside to let them in to his room.  
  
Len was having none of that. Before Barry even knew what was happening Len was hugging him, whispering, “I missed you,” in his ear. Barry hugged him back tightly and admitted, “I missed you, too.”  
  
“Then why the hell would you just leave!?” Len demanded.  
  
“It's complicated. And I … I can't tell you,” Barry said quietly.  
  
“No, Barry, what you can't do is just up and leave everyone who cares about you without a word. Without an explanation,” Len insisted. He needed to know why.  
  
“I'm sorry, Lenny, but I honestly can't. It's not just about me.” Barry looked like he was close to tears so Len decided to let it go for now. But he wasn't giving up entirely, he was going to get to the bottom of this.  
  
“Let's just get you back to Central then, your family's been worried,” Len conceded.  
  
Barry flinched. “God, Joe is gonna kill me,” he groaned but he sounded a bit more like the old Barry again so Len would take it.  
  
“I didn't think you'd come so willingly, you made quite the effort not to be found,” Lisa chimed in. Len had almost forgotten that she was still there.  
  
“Well, I know Len, he's gonna take me whether I want to or not so I might as well come voluntarily,” Barry said, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face.  
  
“Damn right I am,” Len agreed.  
  
Barry let out a small chuckle and followed them out to their car. They obviously still had some things they needed to talk about but Len thought that they were going to be okay.

***

They weren't okay. Barry was back to work again but things were different. He rarely talked to Len anymore when he came to his lab and according to Eddie he rarely talked to anyone. Not even West knew why Barry had left so suddenly. And not even his daughter could get Barry to open up. Len was at a loss, he didn't know what to do. And he despised feeling helpless.  
  
Whenever he tried to talk to Barry he insisted they just focus on work, everything else wasn't important. Eventually Len listened to him and it was like they had never gotten close during the past two months. It was as if they were right back to the start.

***

Barry knew that everybody was worried about him, that they all knew something wasn't right but it wasn't like he could talk to them about it. What was he gonna say? “Surprise I'm actually the Flash but I stopped killing because I fell in love and wanted to be a better person for him and I left because he deserves someone better than me”? That wasn't likely to go over well. So he did the only thing he could do, he kept to himself and focused on work. And thanks to Cisco anonymously forwarding all of his job offers to Interpol they actually had a lot of work. Barry knew that Len was a bit suspicious about all these anonymous tips but he also wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. All in all, Barry had a lot of work to do and managed to successfully tune out his feelings most of the time.  
  
And then everything changed.

***

One morning about three weeks after Barry had come back from Coast City he got to work (a little late as usual) and the entire task force was running around, putting on their gear.  
  
“What's going on?” Barry asked no one in particular, sure that one of them would answer him.  
  
“We found Thawne, we're going after him now,” Eddie explained and Barry gaped. He had been waiting to hear those words since he was eleven years old.  
  
“Where?” was all that he could say.  
  
“Abandoned warehouse at the corner of fifth street,” Eddie said, running after the rest of his team who had already left the building.  
  
Barry was left alone, standing frozen in the middle of the bullpen. When he finally came to his senses he ran straight out again all the way to S.T.A.R. Labs without taking a single break.  
  
“Thawne … warehouse … fifth street,” was all he managed to get out when he got there but he didn't give himself the time to catch his breath. He needed to be fast, now more than ever. He changed into the non-descript clothes he always wore on a job and put on his trademark red ski mask.  
  
“Team Flash's final mission,” was the last thing he heard Cisco say before he sped off again.

***

When Barry got to the warehouse things were already in full swing. Lisa and Mick were nowhere to be seen and Len and Eddie seemed to have a hard time holding their own against Thawne.  
  
Well, time to end this once and for all, Barry thought before he entered the action.  
  
In the end it was all somewhat anti-climatic. Thawne could have probably dealt with either Interpol or Barry alone but he hadn't expected to have to fight all of them together.  
  
It all happened pretty fast. One moment Barry was going at Thawne alone not even bothering with his gun, the next Thawne had him pressed to the wall, gun aimed at his heart. Then Lisa suddenly came running into the room, which distracted Thawne enough for Eddie to take a shot at him. Thawne spun around, clearly mortally wounded, but he wasn't the kind of man who went down without a fight. Before he fell to the floor he still managed to shoot at Eddie who had not been expecting it. The bullet hit him in the stomach and he went down immediately.  
  
“Lisa, get him out of here and call an ambulance,” Len ordered his sister.  
  
Lisa looked like she was going to argue for a moment but then Eddie groaned in pain and so she did as her brother had told her. Which left Barry alone with Len.

***

Len didn't have his gun on him anymore. He had lost it in the fight sometime after the Flash had arrived. But Eddie needed medical attention as soon as possible and if he had to choose between him against the Flash or his sister, he would choose himself any day. Even unarmed.  
  
The Flash turned around and pointed his gun at Len. “Are you going to kill me now?” Len asked him, strangely calm even though he likely wouldn't be getting out of this alive. He was unarmed and alone, facing down the deadliest assassin in the world. The odds weren't exactly in his favour.  
  
But to his surprise, the Flash lowered his gun again. “No,” he said, “I don't kill innocents.”  
  
Len kind of wanted to laugh at that, he had never met an assassin with a code before. Most of them killed for the highest bidder and didn't care about collateral damage. The Flash obviously had never had that problem before, he was too good to allow any witnesses – Len honestly had no idea why he had charged headfirst into this situation, he had to have known that Interpol was there – but Len had always figured that if it came down to it he wouldn't be any different than the others. He was surprised to find out that he was wrong, that didn't happen very often.  
  
“What are you going to do with me then?” he asked, still calm about the situation, by now he was fairly certain that the Flash really wasn't going to kill him. But he also doubted that he was just going to let him walk away.  
  
“I don't know,” the Flash answered and now that Len was paying closer attention to him he realised how young the guy sounded … and how familiar that voice actually was, he just couldn't quite place it. He took a closer look at the man's face. He was wearing a red ski mask that only covered the top half of his face, giving Len an unobstructed view of his mouth and chin. And just like the voice it all seemed very familiar. Len had seen that mouth before, he was sure of it. But it wasn't until he looked at the eyes that he figured it out. He would know those eyes anywhere, had spent more time than he reasonably should have staring into those eyes, getting lost in them. Those eyes belonged to none other than Barry Allen. And while his heart was telling him that this couldn't possibly be true, that sweet, adorable science nerd Barry Allen couldn't possibly be the Flash, be an assassin, in his mind he knew it was the truth. So he did the only thing he could think of. He took a few slow steps closer to the other man and quietly asked, “Barry?”  
  
The Flash took in a sharp breath and that was really all the confirmation Len needed, not that he hadn't been sure already.  
  
The Fla-Barry slowly took of his mask and looked at him, worry, fear, hopelessness, despair all written on his face, in his eyes. “How did you know?”

***

“Because I know you, Barry, a mask concealing only half of your face isn't going to stop me from recognizing you,” Len said but he didn't sound angry just surprised. Barry didn't understand and he also didn't understand why he kept talking. He just knew that he needed to make this moment last as long as possible because it was most likely going to be the last time he ever saw Len.  
  
“Iris saw me once. She didn't recognise me,” Barry said.  
  
“Iris doesn't know?” Len asked a little incredulously.  
  
“Nobody knows,” Barry answered, he couldn't pull Cisco and Caitlin into this.  
  
“Please, Barry, I'm not stupid. Ramon and Snow definitely know,” Len said and he almost looked a bit offended that Barry wasn't giving him enough credit.  
  
“But they're not involved, it's all me, I'm the one you want!” Barry cringed a little at the wording. How he wished that were true in another sense as well.  
  
“See, this is what I don't understand. You are one of the nicest people I know, hell you're definitely nicer than I am, and even now you're still protecting your friends. I don't get how someone like you becomes an assassin,” Len said.  
  
Barry honestly never thought he would get the chance to explain his actions should he ever get caught but he was going to take it. “When I was eleven Thawne killed my mother and my father was sent to prison for her murder. I didn't know it was him at the time but from then on I devoted all of my time to finding my mother's killer and freeing my father. I figured out that he was an assassin and I got a little too deep into that world. There was a misunderstanding, somebody thought I was an assassin as well and offered me a job. My first instinct was to decline of course but then I thought about it, the job was to kill another assassin so it wasn't like I would be killing somebody innocent and maybe other people would offer me other jobs like it if I did and maybe that could lead me to Thawne one day. Only it never did, well it did once but I had to let him go, but still I had nothing on him except his face until the day you told me his name.” Barry had to admit, it felt kind of good to be getting it all out into the open.  
  
“You know, I never really thought the Flash was one of the bad guys, you were a vigilante and of course that's illegal but I never quite saw you as a threat, as someone who needed to be stopped,” Len admitted and left Barry speechless. He honestly couldn't believe that Len didn't think he was a bad guy.  
  
“Is that why you left town? Because being an assassin on an anti-assassin task force was getting to be too much?” Len asked when it was obvious that Barry wasn't going to say more.  
  
“Partially, yes,” he said.  
  
“What was the other reason?” Len asked.  
  
Barry sighed but then decided to just go for it. He had just confessed his deepest darkest secret to this man he might as well tell him everything. “Because of you,” he said but when he saw Len's face fall he realised that might not have been the best way to start his explanation so he barrelled on quickly. “Not because I didn't like being around you but because I liked it too much. It had always been hard lying to the people I care about but it was hardest with you. I finally cracked and I just couldn't keep living the lie anymore but obviously I couldn't tell you, I didn't think you'd understand. I mean you're the leader of the anti-assassin task force, it's not like you have any choice but to arrest me. But it was also because the more time I spent with you the more I wanted to really be with you and I couldn't do that. Even on the off-chance that you would feel the same way about me I still couldn't be with you, you deserve so much better than me. You deserve everything, Len.” Barry swallowed hard and stared at the ground. This was it. Len was going to let him down gently and then arrest him.  
  
But suddenly he could see a pair of boots appearing in his field of vision and then he felt a hand gently lifting his chin. “Look at me, Barry,” Len said softly. “I think you should leave it up to me to decide who is good enough for me and who isn't. And I think you're the coolest. I don't care about your past, Barry. I know what you did wasn't completely right but it also wasn't completely wrong. And it doesn't change the way I feel about you.” Len took a deep breath before he added, “Because I love you.”  
  
Barry couldn't help himself, he felt a smile spread across his face. He'd never thought he would hear those words from anybody, had never thought he deserved to hear those words and to hear them from Len of all people was the best feeling in the world.  
  
Belatedly he realised that he should probably answer, “I love you, too. But ...” before he could finish his sentence he suddenly felt Len gently press his lips to Barry's and he completely forgot what he wanted to say. Kissing Len was honestly the best thing that had ever happened to him and he never wanted to stop. Unfortunately they had to come up for air at some point.

***

Len leaned his forehead against Barry's and smiled at the kid. He couldn't quite believe he got to have this quite yet.  
  
“Look kid, you've been really honest with me, so I'm gonna do the same thing. I don't know how much you've heard about my father but let's just say he was a bastard. He was a drunk and he liked to hit Lisa and me when he'd had a little too much to drink. When I was 17 he took it too far, he almost killed Lisa and so I almost killed him, the only reason I didn't was because Lisa stopped me in time. But you didn't have that. You didn't have a Lisa to stop you. What I'm trying to say is that I know what it's like to want revenge on someone who hurt your loved ones and that I would probably be exactly where you are right now if it hadn't been for Lisa. I don't blame you for any of the things you did and I'm not going to arrest you because I understand why you did it. But you have to promise me to stop killing.” Len had never told anybody about this, Lisa knew he hadn't been dealing so well back then but she never knew how bad it had really been. Mick knew bits and pieces but Barry was the only one he had ever told the whole story, the only one he had ever told how he had really felt.  
  
Barry opened his mouth to reply but before he could say anything they heard sirens approaching outside.  
  
“Go,” Len said, pushing Barry towards one of the exits, “go, I'll deal with them.”  
  
“Len,” Barry started to say but Len interrupted him.  
  
“We'll talk later, come by my place tonight,” Len said and gave Barry one final push.

***

When Barry came to Len's apartment later that night he was visibly nervous. Like he was afraid Len was going to change his mind at any second, like he was suddenly going to decide that he didn't want to be with Barry after all.  
  
“I honestly don't think there's much more to say,” Len started the conversation because Barry was most certainly not going to do it. “I love you and you love me. I don't care about the things you've done in the past because I know who you really are, Barry, so you're just going to have to deal with that.”  
  
“I think I can do that,” Barry said quietly. “But you have to understand that this is hard for me. I spent the past few years thinking, knowing, that I could never be good enough for anyone. That nobody could ever truly love me if they knew who I really am. And that's not something I can get over in a day, it's going to take some time.”  
  
“That's okay. We have all the time in the world,” Len said softly. He was just about to finally kiss Barry again when he interrupted him.  
  
“I just remembered, I never answered you earlier.” Len must have looked confused because Barry elaborated. “You said I had to promise to stop killing and I never told you that of course I'm going to stop. I already did. Once I realised how I felt about you I stopped. I wanted to be a better person for you,” he admitted somewhat shyly.  
  
“Well, don't we just bring out the best in each other,” Len smirked before taking Barry's face in his hands and kissing him, not letting anything deter him this time.  
  
Of course there were still a few things they would have to talk about. Like what to do with the task force now. And how to get Barry's father out of prison. But those things could wait. For now Len was going to concentrate fully on Barry. And this time he knew for certain that they were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading this! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://lovingeachdayasifitsthelast.tumblr.com)


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